Eight or nine wise words about letter-writing

EIGHT OR NINE

WISE WORDS

ABOUT

ettsr-lBritlpi

BY

LEWIS CARROLL

EMBERLIN AND SON

4, MAGDALEN STREET

OXFORD

1

FIRST PUBLISHED
1890.

Qon{en{s-

On Stamp-Cases

How to begin a Letter

How to go on with a Letter

How to end a Letter

On registering Correspondence

Page.
5

9

12
21

23

§ I. On Stamp-Cases,

Some American writer has said " the snakes
in this district may be divided into one
species — the venomous." The same princi-
ple applies here. Postage-Stamp-Cases may
be divided into one species, the " Wonder-
land." Imitations of it will soon appear,
no doubt : but they cannot include the two
Pictorial Surprises, which are copyright.

You don't see why I call them ' Surprises ' ?
Well, take the Case in your left-hand, and
regard it attentively. You see Alice nursing
the Duchess's Baby ? (An entirely new com-
bination, by the way : it doesn't occur
in the book.) Now, with your right thumb and
forefinger, lay hold of the little book, and

6

suddenly pull it out. The Baby has turned
into a Pig I If that doesn't surprise you,
why, I suppose you wouldn't be surprised if
your own Mother-in-law suddenly turned
into a Gyroscope !

This Case is 7iot intended to carry about in
your pocket. Far from it. People seldom
want any other Stamps, on an emergency,
than Penny-Stamps for Letters, Sixpenny-
Stamps for Telegrams, and a bit of Stamp-
edging for cut fingers (it makes capital
sticking-plaster, and will stand three or four
washings, cautiously conducted) : and all
these are easily carried in a purse or pocket-
book. No, this is meant to haunt your
envelope-case, or wherever you keep your
writing-materials. What made me invent it
was the constantly wanting Stamps of other
values, for foreign Letters, Parcel Post, &c.,
and finding it very bothersome to get at the

7

kind I wanted in a hurry. Since I have
possessed a " Wonderland Stamp Case ", Life
has been bright and peaceful, and I have
used no other. I believe the Queen's laun-
dress uses no other.

Each of the pockets v^ill hold 6 stamps,
comfortably. I would recommend you to
arrange the 6, before putting them in, some-
thing like a bouquet, making them lean to
the right and to the left alternately : thus
there will always be a free corner to get
hold off, so as to take them out, quickly and
easily, one by one : otherwise you will find
them apt to come out two or three at a
time.

According to my experience, the 5^., 9^.,
and IS. Stamps are hardly ever wanted,
though I have constantly to replenish all
the other pockets. If your experience agrees
with mine, you may find it convenient to

8

keep only a couple (say) of each of these 3
kinds, in the is, pocket, and to fill the
other 2 pockets with extra id. stamps.

§ 2. How to begin a Letter,

If the Letter is to be in answer to another,
begin by getting out that other letter and
reading it through, in order to refresh your
memory, as to what it is you have to answer,
and as to your correspondent's present address
(otherwise you will be sending your letter to
his regular address in London, though he has
been careful in writing to give you his Tor-
quay address in full).

Next, Address and Stamp the Envelope.
''What! Before writing the Z^^^^r .-^ '^ Most
certainly. And I'll tell you what will happen
if you don't. You will go on writing till the
last moment, and just in the middle of the
last sentence, you will become aware that
' time's up ! ' Then comes the hurried wind-

lO

up — the wildly-scrawled signature — the
hastily-fastened envelope, which comes open
in the post — the address, a mere hiero-
glyphic— the horrible discovery that you've
forgotten to replenish your Stamp-Case —
the frantic appeal, to every one in the house,
to lend you a Stamp — the headlong rush
to the Post Office, arriving, hot and gasp-
ing, just after the box has closed — and
finally, a week afterwards, the return of
the Letter, from the Dead-Letter Office,
marked " address illegible " !

Next, put your own address, in f2cll, at
the top of the note-sheet. It is an aggra-
vating thing I speak from bitter ex-
perience when a friend, staying at some

new address, heads his letter '* Dover,"
simply, assuming that you can get the rest
of the address from his previous letter, which
perhaps you have destroyed.

II

Next, put the date in full. It is another
aggravating thing, when you wish, years
afterwards, to arrange a series of letters,
to find them dated " Feb. 17 ", " Aug. 2 ",
without any year to guide you as to which
comes first. And never, never, dear Madam
(N.B. this remark is addressed to ladies
07tly : no man would ever do such a thing),
put '* Wednesday ", simply, as the date !

'* That way madness lies.^''

12

§ 3- How to go on with a Letter,

Here is a golden Rule to begin with.
Write legibly. The average temper of the
human race would be perceptibly sweetened,
if everybody obeyed this Rule! A great
deal of the bad writing in the world comes
simply from writing too quickly. Of course
you reply, '^ I do it to save time ". A very
good object, no doubt : but what right have
you to do it at your friend's expense ? Isn't
Ids time as valuable as yours ? Years ago,

I used to receive letters from a friend

and very interesting letters too written

in one of the most atrocious hands ever
invented. It generally took me about a
week to read one of his letters ! I used to
carry it about in my pocket, and take it out

13

at leisure times, to puzzle over the riddles

which composed it holding it in different

positions, and at different distances, till at
last the meaning of some hopeless scrawl
would flash upon me, when I at once wrote
down the English under it ; and, when
several had been thus guessed, the context
would help one with the others, till at last
the whole series of hieroglyphics was de-
ciphered. If all one's friends wrote Hke
that. Life would be entirely spent in reading
their letters !

This Rule applies, specially, to names of

people or places and ?nost specially to

foreign names. I got a letter once, containing
some Russian names, written in the same hasty
scramble in which people often write " yours
sincerely ". The context, of course, didn't
help in the least : and one spelling was just
as likely as another, so far as / knew : it was

necessary to write and tell my friend that I
couldn't read any of them ! ^

My second Rule is, don't fill more than a
page and a half with apologies for not having
written sooner !

The best subject, to begiii with, is your
friend's last letter. Write with the letter
open before you. Answer his questions, and
make any remarks his letter suggests. Then
go on to what you want to say yourself.
This arrangement is more courteous, and
pleasanter for the reader, than to fill the
letter with your own invaluable remarks,
and then hastily answer your friend's ques-
tions in a postscript. Your friend is much
more likely to enjoy your wit, after his own
anxiety for information has been satisfied.

In referring to anything your friend has
said in his letter, it is best to quote the exact
ivords, and not to give a summary of them

15

in yotir words. A^s impression, of what B
has said, expressed in A^s words, will never
convey to B the meaning of his own words.

This is specially necessary when some point
has arisen as to which the two correspondents
do not quite ag^ree. There ought to be no
opening for such writing as ''You are quite
mistaken in thinking I said so-and-so. It
was not in the least my meaning, &c., &c.",
which tends to make a correspondence last
for a lifetime.

A few more Rules may fitly be given here,
for correspondence that has unfortunately
become controversial.

One is, don^t repeat yourself. When once
you have said your say, fully and clearly, on
a certain point, and have failed to convince
your friend, drop that subject : to repeat your
arguments, all over again, will simply lead to
his doing the same ; and so you will go on.

i6

like a Circulating Decimal. Did you ever
know a Circulating Decimal come to an end ?
Another Rule is, when you have written
a letter that you feel may possibly irritate
your friend, however necessary you may have
felt it to so express yourself, put it aside till
the next day. Then read it over again, and
fancy it addressed to yourself. This will
often lead to your writing it all over again,
taking out a lot of the vinegar and pepper,
and putting in honey instead, and thus mak-
ing a much more palatable dish of it ! If,
when you have done your best to write
inoffensively, you still feel that it will pro-
bably lead to further controversy, keep a
copy of it. There is very little use, months
afterwards, in pleading " I am almost sure
I never expressed myself as you say : to the
best of my recollection I said so-and-so ".
Far better to be able to write " I did nut

17

express myself so : these are the words
I used."

My fifth Rule is, if your friend makes a
severe remark, either leave it unnoticed, or
make your reply distinctly less severe : and
if he makes a friendly remark, tending to-
wards ' making up ' the little difference that
has arisen between you, let your reply be
distinctly more friendly. If, in picking a
quarrel, each party declined to go more than
three-eighths of the way, and if, in making
friends, each was ready to go five-eighths of
the way — why, there would be more recon-
ciliations than quarrels ! Which is like the
Irishman's remonstrance to his gad-about
daughter — " Shure, you're always goin' out I
You go out three times, for wanst that you
come in ! "

My sixth Rule (and my last remark about
controversial correspondence) is, donH try to

i8

have the last word! How many a contro-
versy would be nipped in the bud, if each
was anxious to let the other have the last
word ! Never mind how telling a rejoinder
you leave unuttered : never mind your friend's
supposing that you are silent from lack of
anything to say : let the thing drop, as soon
as it is possible without discourtesy : remem-
ber ' speech is silvern, but silence is golden'!
(N.B. — If you are a gentleman, and your
friend a lady, this Rule is superfluous : you
wonH get the last word !)

My seventh Rule is, if it should ever occur
to you to write, jestingly, in dispraise of your
friend, be sure you exaggerate enough to
make the jesting obvious : a word spoken in
jest, but taken as earnest, may lead to very
serious consequences. I have known it to
lead to the breaking-off of a friendship.
Suppose, for instance, you wish to remind

19

your friend of a sovereign you have lent
him, which he has forgotten to repay — you
might quite mean the words " I mention
it, as you seem to have a conveniently bad
memory for debts", in jest : yet there would
be nothing to wonder at if he took offence
at that way of putting it. But, suppose you
wrote *' Long observation of your career, as
a pickpocket and a burglar, has convinced
me that my one lingering hope, for recovering
that sovereign I lent you, is to say ' Pay up,
or I'll summons yer ! ' " he would indeed
be a matter-of-fact friend if he took that as
seriously meant !

My eighth Rule. When you say, in your
letter, " I enclose cheque for £^ ", or " I
enclose John's letter for you to see ", leave
off writing for a moment — go and get the
document referred to — and put it into the
envelope. Otherwise, you are pretty certain

20

to find it lying about, after the Post has gone I
My ninth Rule. When you get to the end
of a note-sheet, and find you have more to
say, take another piece of paper — a whole
sheet, or a scrap, as the case may demand :
but, whatever you do, don't cross I Remember
the old proverb * Cross-writing makes cross
reading '. " The old proverb ? " you say, en-
quiringly. *^ How old?" Well, not so veiy
ancient, I must confess. In fact, I'm afraid
I invented it while writing this paragraph !
Still, you know, 'old' is a comparative term.
I think you would be quite justified in
addressing a chicken, just out of the shell,
as " Old boy ! ", when compared with another
chicken, that was only half-out !

21

§ 4- How to end a Lette7\

If doubtful whether to end with ' yours
faithfully', or 'yours truly', or 'yours most
truly ', &c. (there are at least a dozen
varieties, before you reach ' yours affection-
ately'), refer to your correspondent's last
letter, and make your winding-up at least
as friendly as his : in fact, even if a shade
more friendly, it will do no harm !

A Postscript is a very useful invention :
but it is not meant (as so many ladies sup-
pose) to contain the real gist of the letter :
it serves rather to throw into the shade any
little matter we do not wish to make a fuss
about. For example, your friend had pro-
mised to execute a commission for you in
town, but forgot it, thereby putting you to

22

great inconvenience : and he now writes to
apologize for his negligence. It would be
cruel, and needlessly crushing, to make it the
main subject of your reply. How much more
gracefully it comes in thus ! " P.S. Don't
distress yourself any more about having
omitted that little matter in town. I won't
deny that it did put my plans out a little,
at the time : but it's all right now. I often
forget things, myself : and ' those who live
in glass-houses, mustn't throw stones', you
know ! "

When you take your letters to the Post,
carry them in your hand. If you put them
in your pocket you will take a long country-
walk (I speak from experience), passing the
Post-Office twice, going and returning, and,
when you get home, will find them still in
your pocket.

23

§ 5« On registering Corres-
pondence.

Let me recommend you to keep a record
of Letters Received and Sent. I have kept
one for many years, and have found it of the
greatest possible service, in many ways : it
secures my answering Letters, how^ever long
they have to wait ; it enables me to refer, for
my own guidance, to the details of previous
correspondence, though the actual Letters
may have been destroyed long ago ; and,
most valuable feature of all, if any difficulty
arises, years afterwards, in connection with
a half-forgotten correspondence, it enables
me to say, with confidence, " I did not tell
you that he was * an invaluable servant in

24

every way ', and that you couldnH ' trust him
too much '. I have a precis of my letter.
What I said was ' he is a valuable servant in
many ways, but don't trust him too much '.
So, if he's cheated you, you really must not
hold me responsible for it ! "

I will now give you a few simple Rules for
making, and keeping, a Letter-Register.

Get a blank book, containing (say) 200
leaves, about 4 inches wide and 7 high. It
should be well fastened into its cover, as it
will have to be opened and shut hundreds of
times. Have a line ruled, in red ink, down
each margin of every page, an inch off the
edge (the margin should be wide enough to
contain a number of 5 digits, easily : / man-
age with a I inch margin : but, unless you
write very small you will find an inch more
comfortable).

Write a precis of each Letter, received or

25

sent, in chronological order. Let the entry
of a ' received ' Letter reach from the left-
hand edge to the right-hand marginal line ;
and the entry of a ' sent ' Letter from the
left-hand marginal line to the right-hand edge.
Thus the two kinds will be quite distinct, and
you can easily hunt through the ' received '
Letters by themselves, without being bothered
with the ' sent ' Letters • and vice versa.

Use the right-hand pages only : and, when
you come to the end of the book, turn it
upside-down, and begin at the other end,
still using right-hand pages. You will find
this much more comfortable than using left-
hand pages.

You will find it convenient to write, at the
top of every sheet of a ' received ' Letter, its
Register-Number in full.

I will now give a few (ideal) specimen
pages of my Letter-Register, and make a

26

few remarks on them : after which I think
you wilt find it easy enough to manage
one for yourself.

27

29217

(217)

sendg,
J, a

/go.

Ap. I (Tu.) Jones, Mrs.
as present from self and
white elephant.

am
Mr.

(218)
grand

(219)
* Grand
to borr

do. Wilkins <&> Co. bill, for
piano, ;£"i75 los. ^d. [pd

do. Scareham, H. [writes from
Hotel, Monte Carlo'] asking
ow £^0 for a few weeks (!)

27518

225

28743
221. 2

0

0

218

246

23514
218

228

(220) do. Scareham, H. would
know object, for wh loan is
and security offered.

like to
asked,

(221) Ap. 3. Wilkins &> Co.
vious letter, now before me,
undertook to supply one for
dealing to pay more.

inpre-
you
;£"i2o:

(222) do. Cheetham &> Skarp.
written 221 — enclosing previo
ter — is law on my side ?

have
us let-

r

(223)

G.N.

dresse
'very

Ap. 4. Manager^ Goods Statti,
R. White Elephant arrived, ad-
d to you — send for it at once —
savage'.

226

28

29225

217

230

223

223

229

/90.

(225) Ap.4. (F) y ones, Mrs. th
but no room for it at present, am
ing it to Zoological Gardens.

(226) do. Manager, Goods Sta
N.R. please deliver, to bearer
note, case containg White Ele-
addressed to me.

anks,
send-

tn, G.
of this
phant

(227) do. Director Zool. Garde
closing above note to R.W. Ma
call for valuable animal, prese
Gardens.

ns. (en-
nager)
nted to

(228)
misquo
is £18

Ap. 8. Cheetham&' Sharp, you
te enclosed letter, limit named

o.

(229)
case de
Port —
quet —

Ap. 9. Director, Zoo. Gardens.
livered to us contained i doz.
consumed at Directors' Ban-
many thanks.

222

237
227
230

225
0

(230) do. T jfoftes, Mrs. why[ call a
doz. of Port a 'White Elephant'?)

(231)
joke'.

|do. T yones, Mrs. ' it was a

©

29

29233 I /go-

'(233) Ap. 10. (Th) Page & Co.
jMacaulay's Essays and "Jane
242 I (cheap edtn).

orderg
Eyre "

(234) Ido. Aunt jfemima — invitg for
2 or 3 jdays alter the 15th. [

(235)
recevd

& Co.

do. Lou, and West. Bk. have
£"250, pd to yr Acct fm Parkins
Calcutta [en

236

234

239
228
240

245

(236) do. Aunt jfemima — can
possibly come this month, will
when able.

not
write

r

(237) Ap. II. Cheetham and
turn letter enclosed to you.

Co. re-

[X

(238) do. Morton, Philip. Co
lend me Browning's ' Dramati
sonae ' for a day or 2 ?

uldyou
s Per-

(239)
ing ho

' 136,

Ap. 14. Aunt jfemima^ leav-
use at end of month : address
Royal Avenue, Bath.' [

(240)
returng

Ap. 15. Cheetham and Co.,
letter as reqd, bill 6/6/8. [

236

237

244

30

29242

(242)

for boo

/90. 1
Ap. 15. (Tu) Page &> Co. bill
ks, as ordered, 15/6 [

) 233
J 247

(243) jdo. 11 do. books

240

248

(244) do. Clieetham and Co. c an un-
derstand the 6/8 — what is £t for?

(245)
matis

Ap. 17. 11 Morton, P. ' Dra-
Personae', as asked for. [retd

238
249

221
250

(246) do. Wilkins and Co. w
bill, 175/10/6, and ch. for do.

ith

[en

243

(247) do. Page and Co. bill,
postal J107258 for 15/- and

15/6,
6 stps.

(248)
was a

Ap. 18. Cheetham and Co. it
'clerical error ' (!)

244

245

(249) Ap. 19. Morton, P. retu
Browning with many thanks.

rng

(250)
bill.

do. Wilkins and Co. receptd

246

31

I begin each page by putting, at the top
left-hand corner, the next entry-number I
am going to use, in full (the last 3 digits of
each entry-number are enough afterwards) ;
and I put the date of the year, at the top, in
the centre.

I begin each entry with the last 3 digits of
the entry-number, enclosed in an oval (this
is difficult to reproduce in print, so I have
put round-parentheses here). Then, for the
Jirst entry in each page, [ put the day of the
month and the day of the week : afterwards,
*do.' is enough for the month-day, till it
changes : I do not repeat the week-day.

Next, if the entry is not a letter, 1 put a
symbol for ' parcel ' (see Nos. 243, 245) or ^ tele-
gram ' (see Nos. 230, 231) as the case may be.

Next, the name of the person, underlined
(indicated here by italics).

If an entry needs special further attention,

32

I put [ at the end : and, when it has been

attended to, I fill in the appropriate symbol,
e.g. in No. 218, it showed that the bill had
to be paid ; in No. 222, that an answer was
really needed (the ' x ' means ' attended to ') ;
in No. 234, that I owed the old lady a visit ;
in No. 235, that the item had to be entered
in my account book ; in No. 236, that I must
not forget to write ; in No. 239, that the ad-
dress had to be entered in my address-book ;
in No. 245, that the book had to be returned,

I give each entry the space of 2 lines, whe-
ther it fills them or not, in order to have
room for references. And, at the foot of each
page I leave 2 or 3 lines blank (often useful
afterwards for entering omitted Letters) and
miss one or 2 numbers before I begin the
next page.

At any odd moments of leisure, I * make up'
the entry-book, in various ways, as follows: —

33

(i) I draw a second line, at the right-hand
end of the ' received ' entries, and at the left-
hand end of the ' sent ' entries. This I
usually do pretty well 'up to date'. In my
Register the first line is red, the second blue :
here I distinguish them by making the first
thin, and the second thick.

(2) Beginning with the last entry, and
going backwards, I read over the names till
I recognise one as having occurred already :
I then link the two entries together, by giving
the one, that comes first in chronological
order, a ' foot-reference ' (see Nos. 217, 225).
I do not keep this 'up-to-date', but leave it
till there are 4 or 5 pages to be done.
I work back till I come among entries that
are all supplied with ' foot-references ', when
I once more glance through the last few
pages, to see if there are any entries not yet
supplied with head-references : their prede-

34

cessors may need a special search. If an
entry is connected, in subject, with another
under a different name, I link them by cross-
references, distinguished from the head- and
foot-references by being written further from
the marginal line (see No. 229). When 2
consecutive entries have the same name, and
are both of the same kind (i.e. both ' received '
or both ' sent') I bracket them (see Nos. 242,
243) ; if of different kinds, I link them with
the symbol used for Nos. 219, 220.

(3) Beginning at the earliest entry not yet
done with, and going forwards, I cross out
every entry that has got a head- and foot-
reference, and is done with, by continuing
the extra line through it (see Nos. 221, 223,
225). Thus, wherever a break occurs in this
extra line, it shows there is some matter still
needing attention. I do not keep this any-
thing like * up to date ', but leave it till there

35

are 30 or 40 pages to look through at a time.
When the first page in the volume is thus
completely crossed out, I put a mark at the
foot of the page to indicate this ; and so with
pages 2, 3, &c. Hence, whenever I do this
part of the 'making up', I need not begin at
the beginning of the volume, but only at the
earliest page that has not got this mark.

All this looks very complicated, when
stated at full length : but you will find it
perfectly simple, when you have had a little
practice, and will come to regard the ' mak-
ing-up ' as a pleasant occupation for a rainy
day, or at any time that you feel disinclined
for more severe mental work. In the Game
of Whist, Hoyle gives us one golden Rule,
*' When in doubt, win the trick " — I find that
Rule admirable for real life : when in doubt
what to do, I ' make-up ' my Letter-Register !

THE END.

36

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The same. 8vo, sewed, 6i. ; cloth is.

The same; Little Folks' Edition. Square
i6mo. With Coloured Illustrations, is.6rf.net.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland ;
and Through the Looking-Glass;
People's Editions. Both Books together in
One Volume. (First published in 1887.) Crown
8vo, cloth, price 45. 6ri. net.

38

Works by Lewis Carpoll.

PUBLISHED BY

MACMILLAN & CO., Ltd., LONDON.

The Hunting of the Snark. An Agony in
Eight Fits. With Nine Illustrations, and two large
gilt designs on cover, by Henky Holiday. (First
published in 1876.) Crown 8vo, cloth, gilt edges,
price 4s. 6d. net. Twenty-third Thousand.

Rhyme P and Reason ? With Sixty-five Illus-
trations by Arthur B. Frost, and Nine by Henky
Holiday. (First published in 1883, being a reprint,
with a few additions, of the comic portions of
" Phantasmagoria, and other Poems," published in
i86g, and of " The Hunting of the Snark," published
in 1876.) Crown 8vo, cloth, gilt edges, price 6s. net.
Eighth Thousand.

Sylvie and Bruno concluded. With Forty-
six Illustrations by Harky Furniss. (First pub-
lished in 1893.) Fifth Thousand. Crown 8vo, cloth,
gilt edges, price ys. 6d. net. People's Edition, is. bd.
net. N.B. — This book contains 411 pages.

The Story of Sylvie and Bruno, In One

Volume. With Illustrations by Harry Furniss.
Crown Bvo, 3s. 6d. net.

Three Sunsets, and other Poems. With
Twelve Illustrations by E. Gertrude Thomson.
Fcap. 4to, cloth, gilt edges, price 4s. net.
N.B. — This is a reprint, with a few additions, of the

serious portion of "Phantasmagoria, and other Poems,"

published in 1869.

39

Works by Lewis Carroll

PUBLISHED BY

CHATTO & WINDUS,
III St. MARTIN'S LANE, LONDON, W.C.

Price IS. net, boards; 2S. net, bound in leather.

FEEDING THE MIND.

A lecture delivered in 1884.
With Preface by William H. Draper.

ALWAYS IN STOCK AT

EMBERLIN & SON, OXFORD.
Postage One Penny.

ADVICE TO WRITERS.

Buy "THE WONDERLAND CASE FOR
POSTAGE-STAMPS," invented by Lewis Carroll,
October 29, 1888, size 4 inches by 3, containing 12
separate pockets for stamps of different values, 2 Coloured
Pictorial Surprises taken from Alice in Wonderland,
and 8 or 9 Wise Words about Letter-Writing. It is
published by Messrs. Emberlin & Son, 4 Magdalen
Street, Oxford. Price is.

N.B. — If ordered by Post, an additional payment will
be required, to cover cost of postage, as follows : —

One, two, three, or four copies, id. Five to fourteen do.,
3^. Each subsequent fourteen or fraction thereof, id.

The Wonderland

Postage-Stamp Case

PUBLISHED BY

EMBERLIN AND SON,

4, MAGDALEN STREET,
OXF-ORD.

(post free, 13d.)

PRICE ONE SHILLING

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Id

2

Id

2d

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50

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Invented by

Lewis Carroll

MDCCCLXXXIX